5 Ways Your List Posts Annoy the F*ck Out of Me!

1. You are saying exactly the same thing as everyone else. The content is frequently so generic that it is also completely uninteresting.
2. They make a promise that can never be fulfilled in the context of list post.
3. My expectations are low since these titles are now really common. 
4. I read a post two years ago that said exactly the same thing. By you.
5. You Always Post These Titles in Initial Caps With Exclamation Marks! This in and of itself makes the list post sound like a used car salesman advertisement. "Low Low Prices! No Money Down!" "Lose Weight By Cutting Off Your Head!"

Words of warning

Jargon are words of warning. They tell you that the paragraph or sentence doesn't actually have much to say.

The biggest problem is that they cheat us.

My most guilty moments as a marketer come from those moments where I look back at something I've written and realize that it is riddled with seamless integrations for a superior customer experience that enhance your bottom line frictionlessly.

They make me hang my head in shame. Was it that the product or service I was writing about actually had no genuine merit? Was it because I don't have a f*cking clue who my target market is? Was it that I was lazy?

Sadly the worst offenses are largely due to laziness.

Worst Marketing Offense of the Day

I came across this atrocity while looking for wordpress themes. Admittedly, the theme they are selling is quite elegant... The look and feel of the site selling it is decidedly not.

Why Rock-N-Roll Headings With Insane Adjectives Are Getting Boring!

We've all seen them. Some of us (ahem) have even written them. (mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa) And the plethora of sites that feature them have made them hackneyed.

I guess the adjective-laden heading trend is driven by people who just want us to notice them. "Please pay attention to me," they ask in cloying tones. "I've got something to say!" Do you, now? Do you really?

Attempts "attention grabbing", "somehow surprising", "quirky" headlines are so common they're boring. Enthusiastic (!) but boring. It reeks of desperation. And maybe hand sweat.

At first it was just social media related sites. But now it's in the news, email subject lines and blog posts.

Content bears the brunt of The Best Ever Dramatic Titles That Promise You Solutions:

• They can devalue good content. The title looks cheap. A throw away. A quickie. When you see these titles too often, you expect very little out of the resulting article.

• They are sometimes followed by equally vapid content. The content is cheap. A throw away. A quickie. Something you've seen before. When you see these titles too often, you expect very little out of the resulting article. ;)

These titles are like the paper junk mail of yesteryear. It used to be when those envelopes dropped onto the floor, you knew at least half of them (the brightly colored ones, with ALL CAPS) would go straight to the recycle bin. You knew your bank account would never see that $1 000 000 and that that the GREAT DEAL ON LIVING ROOM FURNITURE was lumpy.

Online, when these heartwarming or exciting or dramatic or LOL Hilarious titles initially emerged... I bought in. I wanted to be moved or motivated or surprised. Disappointed!

We can write better than that. I know we can. We can go beyond gimmicks and create the kind of titles that mean something. (Can't we?) We Can Use Less Uppercase Letters Too!


Please?

In the meantime, here's a link to an entertaining title generator.

The screen caps above are not my own. They are from here, here and here.